FACING THE ROOTS OF MY DEMON

I could never name you. Because you, mean a lot to me. I gave you a new identity. You gave me my name. I grew stronger as you grew meaner. I stopped shedding tears and felt less comfortable to share my life with you while you started opening up about your adventures. You judged me as I tried to relate to you. You should have been my happy space, my safe space; but you claimed your territory and I was scared of what I might step unto.

I watch people walk away from my life and now I don’t hesitate waving them good-bye. For me, my constant humiliation in front of a crowd isn’t a show I want you to host anymore. I may not push them away, but them running in the opposite direction, doesn’t need my plea for their return. I know you watch them. I wonder how you feel?

I wonder how you feel when you belittle me, I wonder how you feel when you have a nasty attitude when I am around, I wonder how you feel when you try to dictate people’s perception of me, I wonder how you feel when you bully me, I wonder how you feel when you put your hands on me? I wonder HOW YOU FEEL?

I know am messed up and so are you. Blood isn’t the only thing that’s connecting us two. You made it, you built it, you grew it, you taught me what fear is. I close my eyes and I see a demon. I open them and I become one.

But today am serving it to my soul. Let my soul make me free of the things that reminds me of you. Let the demon burn in the light of my soul. For I have paid my woes.

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