They are always around, some masked some unmasked. You can’t hide from them; they creep up slowly into your life, into your mind, into your existence. It starts from denial, to excruciating pain, your heart pounding so hard you can feel it thumbing down your throat, knots tighten in your stomach, you are either nauseous or overeating, or may be both. They are the one you listen to, the most, they are so wrong that their opinion feels right. They are the BULLIES.
It’s so hard to escape from a bully, isn’t it? They always had their way with things, the more you succumbed the more powerful they became. I never knew how deeply it affected me, until I started seeing myself believing in every impudent comment, thrown at me. Sometimes even a look was enough for me to fell into the monstrous hands of my own insecurities. I tried to forget things most often and that only made the underlying thoughts more persistent in convincing me that I m not enough, the lacunae never stopped adding themselves. It wasn’t until I saw a family member falling apart, that I felt the need to address it and also to overcome it. Overcoming bullies, tough. Overcoming self loathe, tougher. But the later is what one needs to be concentrating on. I know it’s hard you make up your mind, start each day following all the “steps” for having a happy life. The next minute they appear and ruin everything. It’s like starting again and again yet failing each time.
It’s hard to come across your inability to accept and love yourself, and their audacity to scream that out loud. The hardest of all is seeing your loved ones go through it, watching pieces of them get lost is inevitable damaging to the safe space you built-Your Home. You so wish it were easier to remain strong, to remain stoic.
There are times when I am better at fighting my demons and the demons who propel my anxiety and fear, then there are time I am unable to process it quickly enough. But I learnt this the hard way, to not let anybody including myself tell me that I am not good enough. Letting people win, when you are on stakes is wrong. Don’t make your flaws, the entirety of your existence. Stand for yourself and the people you love. Be subtle yet clear to state that your inhibitions aren’t someone else stance to have a control over. You are what, you believe you are. And always remember-Your reflection is your worst enemy, when you lie about what you see yourself as.